I need to be careful or I might disappear anytime. That is why I am always screaming and shouting so hard to make my presence known. So that if I lose myself, others can help me find me back.
It is a bad place to be when you could be breathing but you have no pulse.
On some days you are deaf. On others, you are mute. And sometimes, you are paralysed. I had been there in that terrible place which I still wonder why I had gone there. But reasons don’t matter anymore when I’ve got no energy to find out why.
Everyone knows that things lost might not return in their original conditions. And unfortunately for me, because of mistreatment, it was a damaged self that I found back. So broken it makes me cry in regret.
You so desperately try to divert the pain away. You chew the spoon so hard trying to break it. You bang your head till you get a bruise. You crush your food until they become unrecognisable. You just get so sick without feeling sick at all.
But you start finding things to be happy about.
There is a way around it.
Just don’t be still waters.